2007: a good year for pointing at stuff

Happy New Year! (Because, technically, every day is one!)

An Obligatory Cute Baby Leah Shot

Flipping Off Some Stuff with ASTSS

Out of the nest for a while, I perchance to find myself at work catching up on emails, a few business card proofs and maybe, just maybe, a blog or two. This is the longest I've been away from little Leah since she was born (10 days ago) and it sucks. I miss her already. I actually had to put on pants too.

Family has been wonderful. We haven't had to cook a single meal in a week and a half and now our fridge is laden with leftovers. Oh man, it really helps. If you know any new parents, cook them something damn it!

Fortunately, Anonymous Communist has provided some material for one of my regular skits. I still haven't mastered holding a sleeping baby and one handed scanning/composing/posting yet so his contribution is as welcome as all the free meals.

Apparently, he had a vexing of a time during construction of a Barbie play set. The hilarious break-down can be read here.








So, this week, AC's magic wand tackles...

The City Pretty™ Townhouse and Dolls Gift Set

She is woman. Hear her coo.

Hello.

Leah Noel, born 12-18-07, 6:02 p.m.

You're the best Christmas present ever!

And now, the brief photo adventure...

I recommend this sign for all expecting parents...


Grandma waits...


Mom is so much more brave than I...


Hello, Leah. Look out world...


I think Daddy likes you...


And so does Mommy...


And so does Uncle Tim...


She thinks "Okay, now what?"



Happy Holidays,
from this family to yours...

PBS Programming Guide Photo of the Month

This month was a double issue! That means you get twice the PBS-ness!

January
Contorted faces celebration month.


February
Mad scientist awareness month.

See you in two months PBS fans!

Manx's Guide on "How to be a Camping Noob"

Step 1: Find yourself a nice spot that's relatively protected and is a high-traffic area. The top of stairs are perfect for this (as I am demonstrating here). Then settle down and wait for the saps to come running in.
Bam! You got your first unsuspecting kill. Poor guy didn't even see it coming.

Step 2: Let the good times roll! If there are a lot of other players on the map, let them keep coming. It will take a while for anybody to get wise to what you're doing.
Bam! Take that, guy who thinks stairs are safe!

Step 3: About this time, some players may be catching on to what you're doing and start posting comments about you being a "camper" and what a "noob" you are. Don't get discouraged. They're just jealous.
Bam! Take that, guy who's catching on but still couldn't get the upper hand!

Step 4: Okay, now they are expecting to see you at the top of the stairs and will come running in focusing on that spot. Here's where you throw them a curve ball. Walk down the stairs about half way and wait for them again. Don't worry, technically you are still camping because you've only moved about five feet.
Bam! Take that, guy who thought I was still at the top of the stairs!

Step 5: By now, players on the other team are denouncing your name for your easy killing ways and demanding the server boot you from the game. Here's the great thing: You are not breaking any rules! They can't kick you off. This will only infuriate the players to the maximum level, and that works to your advantage again. They will rush into the building so pissed off at you, they don't realize you've moved five more feet to the bottom landing to greet them as they enter. They will be so focused on the the stairs fiasco, they won't even notice you.
Welcome friend! I bet you thought I was on those stairs, didn't you?
Bam!

Step 6: Go back up to the top of the stairs and begin repeating the process.
Bam!

You may be a camping noob, but at least you got a lot of kills and pissed off some people who took this computer game way too seriously. Enjoy!

On the road to nowhere...

I was curious to see how much time it took to not go anywhere on Google Maps. I fed "Springfield, IL" into the departing slot and "Springfield, IL" for the arriving destination.

According to Google, it should take me less than a minute to not go anywhere. For some reason, I thought it would take less time than that.

Apparently, I'm not going anywhere at the bus station as well. Out of all the possible focal points to choose from, it picks the bus station?

It might take me a few minutes to get there.

Offerings for the LOL-ers

Splotchy made his heartfelt case here. How could I not contribute, in some small way, to the poor plight of the LOLCAT-ers. Enjoy, my fine folk. Enjoy.

I found it at work...

Having a lot of clip art images at my disposal gives me little humorous spots in the work day.

Say you're doing a search on "Santa" in BizArt for some holiday flyer. You get about 100 boring ones, a few of him drunk, and sometimes something like this...

Here's a few of my impressions/questions:

1. Why is Santa laying on a pile of kindling? Maybe it's cinnamon.
   
2. Have the foxy, evil elves taken over or does Santa smell really bad?
   
3. Is Santa drunk and making unwarranted passes? I think he can still see up their skirts.

Then, say you want something in a "door" kind of flavor for a business card. You type in a search for "door" in BizArt, you mull through 50 uneventful images and then come across this...

"Say goodbye to your precious toy car, Bobby."

There are funny/creepy undertones to some of these clip art images. I makes me think they have graphic designer sweat shops somewhere with 200 or more designers in a room being forced to chuck out picture after picture (at bayonet point) for Hemera's next volume of 100,000 clip art images. Their only outlet for their misery is to subtly infuse their feelings into a few images here and there. Poor guys....thanks for cheering me up though!

For the kids...

Caught up and bored at work, I was cruising around the National Geographic website and came across a "Create your own Cartoon" section. I think I did a good job capturing the thoughts that Mary Wilshire was trying to convey with her illustration. Enjoy, kids!

The buddy movie!

As long as I'm skewering graphic novels and team-ups, here's a great action movie concept that Hollywood might want to give a try. I'm sure Matt Lauer would be down for it.

Space Heat

The Story: It's the original odd couple in space! Matt's parrot is rubbed out by the evil Salt-Lick Menagerie. In order to take the organization down, Matt must first sober up and then get used to his new partner, a royal drone from hive 39. If they can get past their differences, and the Alien doesn't head-bite him in the process, they just might clean up this galaxy.

Vs (Round 1)

After having to purchase some comic books(graphic novels) for my brothers-in-law for Christmas, I realized Alien, Batman and Predator are some of the most prostituted characters around the comic universe. If publishers are hurting for cash, they pull a Batman vs. (someone/something), Alien vs (someone/something) or Predator vs (someone/something) idea out of their ass. It's also a way to team a popular character up with a less popular character to boost sales.

I'd like to help out some of these publishers by submitting my own ideas for character mash-ups.

1. Batman Vs. The Smurfs
Story: The bat-jet is exhausted. Batman & Robin are forced to touch down on a deserted island inhabited by a brutal Smurf colony. Subjected to hazing and forced labor, our heroes must use their bat-survival training in order to escape their cruel masters, harness jet fuel from local fauna and bring justice to this wild and majestic realm.


2. Alien Vs. Wile E. Coyote
Story: Not much to tell. It's kind of the same fight over and over and over...


3. Predator Vs. Jem
Story: There is a new noise in the universe. Something so grating, it causes physical harm to most species. Unfortunately, it's Jem & the Holograms' new album. Seeking the source of the noise, Predators come to Earth to harness its power into the ultimate sonic weapon. But, Jem is not about to let some 8 ft. deadlock lizards walk away with her set list without a fight...

Off to see the Wizard? Too bad, they offed him in part 2

My favorite moment from the third part, and finale, of Sci Fi's miniseries Tin Man? It would have to be the beginning where they recapped part two and showed the monkey's flying off the breasts shot again. True, it was the same shot from last episode, but it was a hell of a lot better than anything in this episode.

Well, I do have to say at least one of the black actors became a good guy. That's something, I guess. And why did they name the series after one of the secondary characters? I don't like movies that do that. It makes me believe I'm supposed to be getting something extra special from that character. And I'm not.

Yes, I put a lot more faith in the Sci Fi Channel then I probably should have. When they decide to make a psychedelic take on Flipper or something, I think I'll skip it. At least this one was a way to pass the time in between H's pre-labor contractions.

I don't feel another still from Tin Man is necessary, but in honor of Sci-Fi and cleavage, I'll leave you with this...




(No evil monkeys living in these.)

Off to see the Wizard? Too bad, he got his soul sucked out by some soul-sucking jerk

Of course this Sci-Fi geek would continue his viewing of the mildly trippy miniseries Tin Man.

Did the high school acting get any better? No, especially since they offed Richard Dreyfuss. Did the special effects blend with live action any smoother? Unfortunately not. Did we realize the only two black actors have been an evil "long coat" henchman and a double-crossing spy? Unfortunately yes. Will I tune in for tonight's finale? So help me, I probably will.

My favorite Part 2 moment: They seem think they have a good thing going with Azkadellia's cleavage so once again my choice moment would have to be the "climax" when the evil sorceress realizes she can no longer track our heroes. So once again, the jacket comes flying off. Zoom to boobs! Unleash the evil flying monkeys!

*Here's some made-up script for you*

Henchman: "My mistress, we've lost the criminals in the Fangle Dang Forest!"
Azkadellia: "Don't worry, fool. My evil breast monkeys will take care of it."
Azkadellia: "Now help me take this jacket off."
Henchman: "YES, ma'am!"

Off to see the Wizard? Too bad, he's all jacked-up on sorceress fumes.

Of course this Sci-Fi geek would sit down to check out the Sci-Fi Channel's new mini-series, Tin Man. It's a psychedelic retelling of the Wizard of Oz. It was an okay way to kill the last two hours of a Sunday evening. The acting: so so. The plot: eh? The special effects: passable, on a Sci-Fi Channel grading curve. All in all, it could have been more psychedelic for me.

My favorite moment: Our heroes are finally cornered by the bad guys in the ice castle. When they try to run away, the evil sorceress Azkadellia removes her jacket to reveal her corset enhanced cleavage. The camera zooms in on said mammary glands to reveal glowing tattoos that start leaping off her chest to become evil flying monkeys that round up and capture the good guys.

They had been subtlety flaunting Azkadellia's boobs the whole program. I guess they figured the direct approach was needed in the "climax".


And yes, Richard Dreyfuss (The Wizard) was hopped up on sorceress fumes for most of the program. All doughy and high, he was.